If I were Donald Trump (and I am very glad I’m not),
I’d be certain that my enemies had hatched a vicious plot
With a multitude of hoaxes that it seems are never done
To undermine my standing as the nation’s number one
Managing the virus is a complicated task
I’ve even condescended to the wearing of a mask.
But this talk of cataclysm they ought not to allow
The thing that really matters is the standing of the Dow.
It appears that in Afghanistan the rumors have been rife
The Russians have placed bounties on each U.S. soldier’s life.
But on that kind of trivia I never saw the need
To receive a special briefing or to take the time to read.
My niece has published stories that I fear will never end
That my college application was submitted by a friend.
Yet every day my conduct shows that story is uncouth:
With my elevated language and my passion for the truth.
The media ensures that all my polls are in decline,
And voting fraud’s a problem that we simply can’t define.
So it could be in November I may say “I’m sorry folks
I’m rejecting this election, it’s just another hoax!”